It is very disorienting to be an infrequently selling artist with a Masters Degree in Fine Art, growing up as I did, in priviledge with an expectation of success - financial and or worldly - and to be working part-time at a "job" during these times.
My new work will be done through Jesus Christ. Through Him all things are possible. I will ask Him to stand between me and my new work as I make it, whereas previous work from 2010 onward has been made in praise of Him, or as prayer to God, it was still "me" making it - me with all my human quirks and weird unresolved desires and mishaps, all my expectations of reward, my desires for recognition, for promotion, for accolaides, for sales - for exposure - for the work to get "out there" - all of my desires as an artist, as a woman, as a human - for a partner to show up, for my art to resolve all of my ills - solidifying those energies into the artwork -
Now, I will ask Him to stand between me and the work, and therefore He will cleanse it of all of my difficulties as a human - all my unclean ideas, all my ego's "wanting, wishing & worrying" energies and it will be purely "of Him". I may still be disappointed in the "results" but at least - those disappointments and discouragements will not be solidified - downloaded - into a creation of mine - a message I carry.
What are the end times to me? Everything that we once had here and used to be able to count on - values, ethics, honesty, principles, humanity, freedom - is gone or going away. It is the end of the Age of Pisces and the beginning of the Age of Aquarius - but it is still the death of the old ways. Chaos, ruin, complete mayhem is daily news. It is impossible to live without thickening my skin or going more to God. I don't want a thicker skin - it makes me less available to art and to my service work.
I have been working part-time at a job that I cannot do and don't know how to do, that does not fit my personality, and that never gets better. All day, every day, I pray. As someone walks toward me, I say "Jesus Christ, please stand between me and this situation." And I watch subtle miracles happen. It is amazing. I asked God, "Why do I have to work at this job?" and God has been showing me that it is so that I can practice prayer without ceasing - and this specific prayer - of asking Jesus Christ to stand between me and whomever or whatever comes at me. A spiritual person I consult said "the oak tree grows stronger in a stiff wind." Yes. I want a job that I am "good" at and that I "like". That's the conditioning of the "grid" - that is what got us into this situation - seeking convenience and ease.
I think this is the lesson of 2016 for me. Things in the world are worse then they have ever been. Things that I was sure, as a child, would certainly be better - are more and more continually horrible - pollution, garbage, misuse of natural resources, relationships between people, our food supply, how we care for the animals we eat, our attitudes toward each other and life, on and on - when I was growing up in the 60s, 70s, 80s - I was sure it was going to get better and better - but not anymore.
I watch independent media: Alex Jones, Natural News, David Icke, Michael Terringer, etc. I have been investigating the world more closely since 911. I was in NY during 911 and I saw the disconnects in the chain of events. I knew that it was a "false flag" - a simulated event engineered to create a desired outcome - even though I did not have that language … and I began paying closer attention. Everyday now it gets worse and worse. I cannot even prepare for an oncoming collapse - save a few cans of food, a few hundred dollars in silver - so instead I have turned to God, more and more. And why would I want to live through a collapse anyhow? That is up to Him. I have not been able to take care of myself in regular life, what makes me think I can adequately "prepare"?
In 2010 I was given the idea that I could take "Through Me all things are possible" literally, and I began to try it out. Year after year it has become more and more a part of my daily life. The message I received today about my artwork and about everything is that God wants me to say that constantly.
I have not been changed as I would have liked to have been changed. I am less and less capable of handing the "world" as it is. I am not a yoga wizard jumping and leaping and stretching into Aging. I have a paunch on my belly that I can't get rid of, high cholesterol, and some other health issue...medicaid...When I go downtown to the chic artsy area of Denver, I feel more outside than I did when I was a kid in NYC…and I have to pray more. I don't understand how to relate to people today more than I didn't understand when I was younger.
Of course, that makes sense because I am older - but I am also an artist - without that extra layer of skin that a business person might have. So, I need Jesus to be my extra layer of skin. Normally, I would not admit this in writing to anyone. I would keep it as my secret that I only share with the inner circle. But not now. Now I am sharing it so others might try it out. It's part of the message of mine that I carry - through my being, my artwork, my life.
Letting others know about it is not going to change anything except for the better. It is not in limited supply so that if more people do it there will be less for me - No! It is abundant. No one can take this from me no matter how much they surveil me. No one can stop me from asking Jesus Christ to stand between me and them with guns or authority or money.
This is my bottom line defense against the human power and against the source of all evil that I see every day and that I interact with every day. Every day when I eat meat which I need but which experienced extreme torture - I can ask Jesus to stand between me and that situation that I did not want to buy but had to buy because my body needs meat - I would have liked to have sought out and found meat from cows which were raised in a pasture and slaughtered Temple Grandin style or some other humane way - but they were not surely - I ask Jesus to stand between me and that product. I pray for a solution to my participation in that and while I wait for the solution to appear … Everyday, when I walk into the big box store where I work, which buys products made by slaves to sell to us Americans, I ask Jesus Christ to walk in front of me, behind me, above me, below me and on either side of me. I am within the teflon bubble of Jesus Christ… Everyday when I drive by a guy or woman flying a sign asking for help - I ask Jesus Christ to stand between me and that situation - because I can't deal with that situation!! Why are people living on the street? Why does the city not provide housing, during a housing crisis, for people who can't afford the greed rate? Some people might be making a living out there - some might be buying their booze - I have no idea how to help these people so I ask Jesus Christ to stand between me and them - and that solves my problem - my problem - meaning my reaction to my view of the situation. If I carry that around with me I will only become angry, sad, discouraged - none of which will help solve the problem.
My sister is currently living in her car - what is the solution to her problem? I do not know. I pray with her. I was floating above homelessness for 6 years after the 2008 crash. I was blessed eventually with a solution. I don't know how to help my sister who lives in another state. I pray for her and with her. I ask Jesus Christ to stand between me and that situation. There is such a big snarl there - my sister's situation is something she has to find an answer to with her God. My own fear of homelessness would be what would prevent me from helping her if I could. I ask Jesus to solve that problem.
I go to Costco to buy food - and I ask Jesus Christ to stand between me and that situation of shopping at Costco. When I do that, I am not impatient and filled with anxiety and I also don't buy a bunch of things I want but don't need. I always spend a lot of money in there and I need Him to help me regulate my spending - He does! I have no idea what to get and what not to get in there. In addition, I am not impatient and cranky and self-centered and hateful of others. I can travel through Costco with a loving spirit and not judging and hating people who are apparently in my way.
I get behind the wheel of my car and I ask Jesus Christ to stand between me and driving my car out in traffic. Driving has become much scarier to me recently. Cars are scary looking. People zip in and out of traffic madly. Old rules like not passing on the right are gone - people don't let you in when you signal anymore - speed up to block you from getting on the freeway. I ask Jesus Christ to go before me on the highway and there is always a safety gap for me to enter the freeway on.
Now it's time to up the anti and ask for Jesus Christ to stand between me and my artwork. We'll see how it goes from here.